


A Familiar Face

by Sonovakei31



Series: Sokka's loss [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, More characters in the next part, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonovakei31/pseuds/Sonovakei31
Summary: “He looks up to the table where Sokka’s sketchbook rested.And then, it occurs to him.Maybe Sokka could never regain his memories of his mother, but Zuko was going to make sure his memories of Yue remained.”OrSokka talks about his fear of forgetting Yue due to have already forgotten his mother, so Zuko commissions a portrait of Yue and there’s feels.
Relationships: Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), mentions of mai/ty lee
Series: Sokka's loss [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091111
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	A Familiar Face

Zuko hated his life.

Every day, he woke up to follow the same routine; prepare for a tedious meeting, do paperwork, read piles of books and scrolls of laws, deal with constant assassinations attempts and complains from people who hated everything about Zuko’s existence.

He was beginning to miss his days of Avatar hunting and traveling around the nations as a fugitive. He even missed working as tea server and rather deal with annoying costumers than old selfish generals and council people who took as their personal job to make Zuko’s life more difficult than it already was.

At some point, he had started spiraling downhill under all the pressure to the point it had required the intervention of his friends. Mai had to call for the assistance of the Kyoshi warriors, and after Suki witnessed the state Zuko was, she took the liberty to send letters to the rest of the group for back up.

But although it was hard, and most days he wished to take a damn break, in the end, it was rewarding seeing the effects of the changes.

So Zuko kept working hard, navigating his way into his title of Firelord.

Many things changed in his life. The Gaang (because yes they would keep that name) had taken different paths and carried on with their lives, fulfilling their respective duties. So these days they didn’t see each other’s as often as they’d like, but at least they maintained constant correspondence.

Another thing that changed was his relationship with Mai. They broke up, seeing their relationship wasn’t going anywhere and decided that perhaps staying as friend was for the best. Which decision proved to be right, as they soon discovered part of themselves they’ve been denying for years. Because one day, Mai showed up and announced her relationship with Ty Lee. And honestly? Part of himself wasn’t surprised. But also, another part of himself finally allowed to accept he shared the same sentiment.

Because almost a year later, Zuko and Sokka confessed their feelings to each other’s and started dating.

From all the changes in the last years, the best thing that happened was his relationship with Sokka.

Sokka was a light in his life. He filled his chest with a warm fuzzy feeling that rendered him incapable to properly think and ended up doing things it even surprised himself.

He felt safe, he felt loved; something he didn’t experienced growing up. The little his mother had managed to provide had been snatched from him and with time the feeling slowly faded. But with Sokka, those same feelings were starting to resurface, and they kept growing stronger each day he spent with him.

Although they still had to fill their duties in their respective nations, they always found a way to make it work. Sokka even organized a full schedule of their visits, allowing them to spend as much time as possible together without neglecting their works.

So yeah, he hated his life, but with Sokka, he hated it a little less.

This month, Sokka was currently staying with him. He helped him a lot with the paperwork and was a big help by bringing up ideas. At first it was hard for him to be accepted, but once Zuko snapped at the council and made clear he would not tolerate discrimination towards his most trusted advisor (and maybe he threatened to challenge them all into an Agni Kai), the council was starting to listen to Sokka.

After a long day of paperwork and working on projects of future changes in the law, Zuko was ready to pass out for the night. But first, he went looking for his boyfriend.

Zuko knocked the door to announce his presence, but when he heard no response, he quietly entered. It was late, Sokka was probably sleeping, but it had been establish neither had to ask permission to join the other at night.

Strangely, Sokka wasn’t in bed. At this time of the night he was more than ready to hit the pillow.

But then, a soft breeze caressed Zuko’s face, and when he looked at the open window, he found him.

Sokka was sitting in the middle of the balcony, and Zuko knew it was one of those nights.

Through their relationship, they’ve learned a lot about each other’s habits. Their favorite food, their hobbies, their nervous tics, their signs of distress, their state of mind depending on their behavior, and many other things. So when one of them was still up at this time of the night, it generally meant something was bothering them.

He approached the sitting figure, pointedly making his steps sound to not fright him. He softly sat next to him, making sure to leave a certain space for respect of personal space. “Hey.”

Sokka still startled at him.

“Sorry!” Zuko rushed to apologize.

“It’s okay!” Sokka immediately reassure him. “You just startled me.”

“Sorry. Are you busy? Do you want me to leave?”

“Zuko, what did we said about apologizing for everything?” he said with a pointed look.

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck, the point of his ears turning red. “That I don’t need to apologize for everything.”

“Exactly. Now come closer” he patted the free spot next to him. “I don’t bite! Well, unless you want to-”

That earned him a smack on the shoulder, and Sokka laughed.

Zuko rolled his eyes, but still smiled nonetheless. He scooted closer to Sokka, resting his head on his shoulder. The other one followed, resting his head against Zuko’s, sliding an arm around the other’s waist.

They stay silent, immersing themselves in the tranquility of the night, enjoying the presence of each other’s warmth. No necessity to mask their true feelings in public, no need of sharing secret glances from across the room, or unnoticed hands brush, or quick pecks in empty hallways. Nights like these were the most cherished ones. It was all they had for the moment, so they made sure to embrace it at its fullest.

Upon remembering the reason of his presence, he was about to ask Sokka what was bothering him when he noticed a sketchbook laying on his lap. “Were you drawing?”

“Ah” Sokka sheepishly said, instinctively covering it with a secure hand. “Yeah. Just out of boredom.”

After a moment of silence, Zuko asked “May I see?” But at Sokka’s hesitation he added “I’ll understand if you don’t want.”

“No!” he sits up. “I mean, I don’t mind if you see it.”

He opened his sketchbook to the page he was drawing and shyly tilts it to show it to Zuko.

It was a portrait.

Of Yue.

Of course there was a problem. Tonight was a full moon.

If Zuko hand’t been so confined in the palace this last weeks he would have notice the moon’s phase and would have mentally prepared himself to support his boyfriend.

It wasn’t rare to catch Sokka staring at it with an expression of sadness. Even though it’s already been nearly three years since the siege of the North. Three years since the princess gave her life to join the spirit world as a celestial body.

Zuko remembers when Sokka told him how his first girlfriend turned into the moon. It wasn’t until they watch the Boy in the Iceberg he realized Sokka had meant it in a literal sense and not in a metaphorical way. Zuko felt stupid afterwards.

At some point in their relationship, Sokka talked about it, feeling necessary to share his feelings regarding Yue. Zuko understood she would always have a place in Sokka’s heart and reassured him if he needed to talk about it he was going to be there to listen.

And it seemed tonight would be one of those nights.

“It’s beautiful” Zuko says after inspecting the drawing. It was a simple sketch draw in charcoal. With simple lines and not many details, but the effort put into it was noticeable.

It wasn’t a professional’s work, but it sure wasn’t a beginner’s either. Sokka had improved over the last two years. He had taken a liking into drawing, and Zuko encouraged him by providing him all the needed supplies. It had taken Sokka’s intervention to stop Zuko from buying for him the entirety of an art’s shop supply.

“I mean, it’s not much” Sokka nervously says, avoiding Zuko’s gaze. “I still have trouble with the hair, and I think the eyes are off, and-“

“Sokka” Zuko softly stops him, gently tilting Sokka’s chin to properly look at him. “It’s beautiful. I mean it. It really looks like her.”

Sokka stared at him with wide eyes. After a moment, he looks back at the drawing, letting out a shaky breath that was meant to sound like a laugh.

Zuko gently puts down the sketchbook to take Sokka’s hand. “What is it?”

Sokka doesn’t dare to look at him, still struggling to openly show vulnerability. The words are trapped in his throat, but once he forces himself to speak, they come out strangled. “I was afraid I had forgotten what she looked like.”

Just from those words, Zuko understood there was more to it than Sokka let know. In a way, they were very similar, regardless of their wide differences. Just like Zuko, Sokka kept his emotions to himself. Through their relation they learned to allow to be vulnerable in front of the other, to accept help from each other’s and their friends, and to be honest when it came to feelings. It doesn’t mean they still didn’t struggle.

Zuko squeezed his hand and reaches for Sokka’s head to gently guide it to rest on his shoulder, something Sokka would do when it was Zuko who struggled to express his troubles. So instead of forcing themselves to face the other, they stood by the other’s side, and listen. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He gave him the choice. He would not force him to speak but he’d made it clear he was there for him. He allows Sokka to take his time, gently soothing his soft hair.

“You know I never talk about my mother.” Sokka sighed “That’s because I don’t remember her.”

Zuko’s hands freeze.

Not the first time, he doesn’t know what to say. So he opted to surround Sokka’s shoulders with a grounding arm and squeezed him in encouragement to continue. 

“I don’t know how to explain it, but I can’t remember her face. I know she was there, but it’s also as if she wasn’t. I think I can hear her voice, but I probably I mixed it up with Katara’s.”

“I feel like I didn’t care enough” he says in a quiet voice Zuko might have missed it if Sokka hadn’t said it next to his ear.

Zuko remembers the words Katara had said the day they went looking for her mother’s murderer. Even if he hadn’t had a place in the matter, he had felt the urge to call her out. Zuko knew what it felt to lose a mother, and if someone had accused him of not have loved her enough, he would have snapped.

Katara and Sokka seemed to have talked about it after their return and made up. And soon, the matter was forgotten. It doesn’t mean it hadn’t affect Sokka.

Wounds could heal, but words always remained.

“You know” Zuko stared after minutes of silence, “I don’t remember my cousin much either. I used to miss him after he died, but afterwards, I was too busy trying to become the son my father wanted. I didn’t have time to mourn. So I stopped thinking about him until… well, I stop thinking altogether. Sometimes I think about him, but I mostly miss the idea of him.”

“When the anniversary of his death comes around, I feel guilty for not feeling the grief uncle feels. I try to give him support, but there’s not much I can do when I don’t remember much. Is that how you feel?”

Sokka rubbed his eyes. “Sort of. But you remember his face, right?”

“Kind of.”

“Well, I don’t. It’s just...it feels like I can almost see her face, yet I can never quite reach it” he frowns at t to himself. “I want to remember but I can’t and it’s” his expression twists into an unfamiliar hard scowl and his voice raise gradually “it’s so frustrating I hate myself for forgetting! It just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not fair Katara remembers everything like it was yesterday but I can’t!” He throws his arms in the air out of frustration Zuko has to back off slightly to not accidently get smacked in the face.

“And now” he says in a small voice, looking directly at the moon, “I’m afraid it’ll happen the same with Yue.”

Zuko isn’t quite sure how to respond to such confession. He doesn’t believe Sokka will forget Yue, but Zuko knows he won’t accept words of reassurance.

“Hey” he held Sokka’s face close to his, the same way Sokka would do to force Zuko to look at him in the eyes when he needed to snap from his own dark thoughts. There were marks of tears running down his cheeks, with red eyes and a miserable expression it was devastating to look at. “You were only ten. You dealt with the trauma of losing your mother the best way you could. I know it sucks, but that’s what pain does to people. It makes us react in ways we least expect.” He leans forward until their foreheads are touching. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask for this. So don’t say those awful things about yourself. You are the most caring person I know and I can say with confidence that I am sure you loved your mother more than enough. And I am sure she felt the same way too.”

Sokka eyes were soon filled with more tears and Zuko hugged him in the best possible way their positions allowed it. He stood like that, even if his back was starting to hurt, until Sokka felt ready to let go.

“Also, I wouldn’t worry about Yue” Zuko commented. “I don’t think one can easily forget the moon.”

And _that_ earned him a laugh. A tired laugh in between sniffs, but a laugh nonetheless. For someone who struggles with emotions other than anger like Zuko, he was proud by the way he managed this conversation.

“Thank you” Sokka said.

“No problem” Zuko kissed the top of his head. “Do you want me keep you company?”

“I’d like to be alone for a while.”

“Okay. My door will be unlocked for you.”

It was around midnight he felt Sokka weight climb to his bed. Zuko instinctively wrapped his arms around him, allowing Sokka to snuggle against his chest where he could feel safe.

Zuko stood awake until he made sure Sokka was fully asleep in case he needed something.

He looked up to the sketchbook tossed on the desk, his mind running through tonight’s conversation.

Zuko tried to be in his place and picture himself forgetting the face of his mother. The idea pained him, because she had been a significant light in his life. Taking her imagine away from him would be as losing a part of himself. Her mother had helped shape him into the person he was today.

He thinks if it was Katara who was in this situation, then she would have lost her reason to fight. He thinks of Aang in this situation, and he forgetting his roots would be forgetting his own way of life. And he thinks of himself, forgetting his mother face was the same as forgetting his own self.

If Sokka lost those significant memories of his life, a part of him has been lost.

Such lose was hardly possible to restore. As much as Zuko though how unfair it was, how he wished he could do something, he knew there wasn’t much to do other than to bring his support.

He sighs, giving up on the issue before he gets a headache. The last thing he needs was to waste a night of sleep when he hardly got any.

_But still,_ there has to be something he can do for Sokka.

His eye open, unable to find the will to _just close_ , when he looks up to the table where Sokka’s sketchbook rested.

And then, it occurs to him.

Maybe Sokka could never regain his memories of his mother, but Zuko was going to make sure his memories of Yue remained.

*

Before attempting anything, for once, Zuko used his head.

He was aware he had a tendency to be blunt, like rudely blunt, to now cringe at the memory of the many times he had lacked of tact.

But he was learning. It was slow, but Zuko had lately been mastering the art of holding back his tongue to not mess up. He had learn a lot from Sokka. Although he wasn’t confident when it came to make speeches, Sokka had a way with people. He didn’t know this, and he’ll probably never will, but Sokka had earned every leader’s approval (and the Fire lord’s heart) just by using his charisma. He might as well have power over everyone, but no one was going to give him ideas.

But right now, when it involved emotions, Zuko was as bad as his sixteen year’s old self.

Sitting behind his desk, Zuko gripped his hair and banged his head against the table. (Okay, terrible idea. That will definitely leave a bruise later).

Maybe he should forget about it. It was too risky to walk on the delicate territory of the victims caused by his nation.

But the thing is, he couldn’t let it go! He’d been distracted during the morning meetings, his stack of paper work hasn’t advance and Zuko was feeling the beginnings of a headache.

Maybe he should ask permission first. He had at least the decency to know his boundaries.

_Hey, Sokka, I was wondering if you’d be alright if I asked the chief of the Northern Water Tribe to send a portrait of his late daughter that my Nation is responsible of her death just because I think you’d like it._

Okay, that’s it. Zuko put the matter aside.

Unfortunaly for him, when he had an idea, it remained stuck in his mind for a long period.

It’s already been two weeks, and the idea was still roaming in his head.

“What’s bothering you?” Sokka asked on day, when they were working in Zuko’s office one afternoon.

“Me? Nothing!” Zuko answered, immediately cringing at his terrible lying skills. Azula always liked to remind him how easy he was to read.

Sokka raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms, and shoots him an almost perfect replica of Katara’s I-don’t-believe-that-shit glare.

Zuko sighed in defeat, slouching back into his seat.

Sokka rounded the table to sit on the edge, facing him. “You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you, right?”

“I know” Zuko sighed.

“Then what is it?” he asked softly.

Zuko avoided his gaze, not so certain about himself anymore. “Okay. But promise you won’t get mad.”

Sokka frown in concern, but he nodded nonetheless.

“I was thinking…”Zuko begins, tugging his sleeves, needing to occupy his hands when he was nervous. _What if he gets mad? What if he snaps and tells me to mind my business? How can you ask him this when it’s your nations that made Yue sacrifice her life?_

“Thinking about what?” Sokka asked.

At the panic of the moment, Zuko’s mouth moved before he could stop it. “I was thinking on commissioning a portrait of Yue!”

Sokka froze in place; his wide eyes staring at him with an unbelievable expression, mouth agape.

Zuko’s face paled. Well, that wasn’t how it was supposed to go. “I mean” he sighs in surrender, refusing to look at Sokka’s reaction. “Remember last week? When you drew her and told me…well… how you were afraid of forgetting her? I’ve been thinking, and _only_ if you want, I could commission a portrait of her. I know it’s not my place, and I shouldn’t involve myself in personal matters-“

He was cut by the crushing weight of Sokka’s body colliding with his the chair almost stumbled backwards.

“Sokka?” Zuko asked cautiously.

Sokka was sitting on his lap, hugging him tightly, with his face hiding onto his neck.

He stood back, his now shiny gaze meeting his with a smile it made Zuko’s heart flutter. “Is this what’s been bothering you this past weeks?”

“Yeah. You’re not mad?”

“Zuko, how could I be mad! This is the most thoughtful thing someone has ever done for me.”

“I thought a lot about what you told me that night, and I wanted to do something. But I wasn’t sure if had the right to get involved.”

Sokka planted a peck on Zuko’s lips, then rested his forehead against his. “Thank you.”

“For you, I’d do anything.”

“Anything?” Sokka grins at him with a glint of mischief. “Even…let me cut your hair?”

“You stay away from my hair.”

*

It was decided that Sokka wrote the letter to Chief Arnook (since it would be weird for the Fire lord to ask for a portrait of his late daughter) and Zuko would pay for it. It was his idea after all, he wasn’t going to let Sokka pay for a gift.

For the next weeks, Sokka had been on edge. Maybe the letter got lost at sea. Maybe Chief Arnook had forgotten about him. Or worse! Maybe he still very much remembered him as the boy who failed to protect his daughter and now had the audacity to ask for a portrait of her! Maybe-

“Sokka, it’s only been two weeks. I’m sure you’re worrying for nothing.” 

It calmed Sokka’s nerves for the rest of the day, until he begin over reacting again the next day.

Days passed, and every time Zuko received letters, Sokka’s attention fixated expectantly on them until Zuko confirmed the lack of response. Sokka tried to hide his disappointment, and moved on with his work. He didn’t even felt as excited as he used to when receiving letters from his family. All he could think about was what Chief Arnook’s response would be.

It was about four weeks when a package was delivered on Zuko’s desk. It was a wooden box of the size of a regular book. The box was neatly wrapped with blue ties that look like the expensive fabric used for his robes.

He connected the dots the moment he recognize the stamp from the Northern water tribe and without a second though, he took it, and rushed out from his office to find Sokka.

He storm into his chamber, kicking the doors open. Sokka jolted at the loud noise, whatever scrolls he was holding falling with the action.

“It’s here!” Zuko said breathlessly.

Sokka looked confused for a moment. Then his eyes widen when they landed on the package Zuko was holding. “Is it...?”

“Yes.”

He handed the package to Sokka who took it with such gentleness as he was holding a something delicate it could break if held wrong.

He slowly sat on the edge of the bed, eyes glued on the object in hand.

“Do you want me to leave?” Zuko asked who was still standing in the doorway.

“Please stay” Sokka said. Zuko did.

Sokka was staring at the package, unsure. Zuko thought he was going to rip the paper with excitement, but instead, he was frozen in place.

“What’s wrong?” Zuko asked in concern.

Sokka let out a breathing laugh, but his expression did not match the action. “I’m nervous.”

Zuko remained silent, allowing him time to process his thoughts.

“I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don’t remember my mother. But what if…the face I see is not the one I remember?” their eyes meet, sharing such vulnerability it could break at any moment. “What if I also forgot Yue?”

“Sokka” he holds his gaze with determination. “If you say you remember her, then the portrait you’ll see will be the same face you remember.”

“But what if-“

“It’ll be the same Yue you remember” he repeats with certainty.

Sokka smiled, his eyes becoming glazy. He looked down at the package, took a breath, and begin to open it.

The object inside was safely wrapped in leather and furs, the extreme care worthy of the chief of the Northen Tribe who had access to such luxuries. On top of it, rested a letter.

_To Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, son of Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe,_

_It is my honor to give this portrait to the boy who stood by my daughter’s side and made her last days the happiest moments before her departure._

_The expenses are covered. Please accept this gift in memory of Yue._

_I believe it’s what she’d want._

_Chief Arnook of the Northern Water Tribe._

Zuko wanted to _say I told you he doesn’t hate you_ , but he reconsidered it to save it for later. Because right now, Sokka was unwrapping the layers of leather and fur...

Sokka’s breath caught as his widen eyes fixated the picture.

It was Yue, just like he remembers, painted in tender watercolors and ink. Her white snowy hair, contrasted with her light tanned skin and the shiny silvery blue eyes sparkling like the stars. The watercolors painted on the leathered canvas were carefully and precisely brushed, accentuating her delicate features, yet they followed naturally like the flows of the ocean. And the expression, the small and honest smile of the princess exactly captured, giving the impression she was smiling at to them. The whole portrait, was framed inside a delicately carved whale bone frame, worthy of the princess of the Northern Water Tribe as well as the bright celestial moon.

Sokka carefully traced his finger on the portrait, staring at it in awe. “It’s her” he whispered breathlessly.

Zuko slide his arm around Sokka’s shoulder and gently squeeze him, unable to contain his endeared smile at the sight. “It is.”

“It’s her!” he laughed, tears of joy running down his face. He looked at Zuko, and back at the portrait, and repeated, as he was checking Zuko could see it too. “It’s just like I remember.”

Sokka gently placed the portrait to his side and hugged Zuko tightly. “Thank you.”

Zuko stayed with Sokka, fire lord duties shoved aside. All his attention was to keep his partner company in this important moment he was honored to be part of.

That night, before going to bed, Zuko watched Sokka stare at Yue’s portrait with a sad smile.

But this time, there wasn’t much grief and guilt than all the previous full moons. Because although the girl in the portrait was long gone from this world, her memory was now imprinted and at hand’s reach.

A weight on Sokka’s shoulders was lift that day; the fear of forgetting another gone face in his life was now replaced by a peace of mind.

Zuko watched as Sokka carefully put down the portrait and wished the moon goodnight, to later join Zuko in bed.

While Sokka felt asleep, Zuko looked up to Yue’s portrait. His mind, once again, running with thoughts.

What if…there was a way to bring back the memory of Sokka’s mother?

He knows he will never restore what the Fire Nation took from them. But Zuko could at least try to bring them back the memory of a loved one. Sokka and Katara’s mother wouldn’t have to only exist in the memory of their family, because with a portrait, they could have at their reach an imprinted memory of her face, a proof that she once existed in their lives.

What if there was a way?

*

The next day, Zuko sent a letter to Katara. He knew that if anyone understood better the importance of this project, it was her.

Two weeks later, he received an answer, and it was all Zuko needed to start to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Plot based on a Tumblr post about Zuko commissioning a portrait of Sokka's mother. If anyone can find it, please tell me!  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
